I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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