i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
