Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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