Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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