we have pet lesbian snakes
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
