Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
