that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
