So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
