Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
