just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
