If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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