i barfeds in our rink
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
