Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
