i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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