Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
