I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
