new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dear god my vagina.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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