How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
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just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
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Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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