No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
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I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
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do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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