how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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