dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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