it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
