maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
