every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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