when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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