i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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