please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
