last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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