it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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