The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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