There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
