I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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