Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
