guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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