do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
