P.S. I can't hear my feet
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
