At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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