Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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