I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
