Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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