that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!