this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
