Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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