He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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