I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
