you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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