Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
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Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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