You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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