I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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