Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
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Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
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I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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