I'm passing your future prison.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
