she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just want nice things and good sex
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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