i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We left the knife in your bed.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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