but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
