Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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