so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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