well you can't waste a boner
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
