I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
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Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
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Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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