just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
What a dumb baby whore.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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