Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
