I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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