i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
