Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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