all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize