S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Found the puke drawer
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
