I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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