I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
